One of the most common issues people seek my assistance in overcoming, is low self-esteem – defined as an unfair, biased and intolerant attitude towards yourself.
Most people feel bad about themselves from time to time. This is normal. However, low self-esteem is a constant companion for too many people. People with low self-esteem perceive themselves as being worse than they really are. It’s as if they are wearing s#!t tinted spectacles.
The consequences
Low self-esteem is a distorting lens that leads us to make inaccurate and biased self-assessments and believe them. It is like having an 'inner tyrant' that trips us up, demoralizes and bullies us.
It stops us feeling as good as other people. It prevents us enjoying ourselves or 'putting our best foot forward' and really going for success and fulfilment in our life. However, when our self-esteem rises to a healthy level we gain a greater capacity to recognize what's good about ourselves; and we start to be fairer on ourselves and we start to enjoy life more.
Low self-esteem has no age limit.
I’ve assisted teenagers through to octogenarians to build healthy self-esteem.
This is how one of my clients Edna (not her real name), in her early 80s, described living with low self-esteem:
“As a child I developed the sense, not just that I wasn't 'good enough', but that I never could be good enough - at anything, or for anyone. I think that this feeling came from, the fact that no matter what I achieved as a child I never received any praise from my father, who I loved dearly. I just wanted him to say ‘well done….,’ and tell me how proud he was of me. He never did ……
I suppose the belief that I wasn’t good enough followed me into adulthood. I just felt inadequate. It infected my relationships, - I’ve been divorced twice. It’s affected my work and private life. I’ve been living my whole life with a harsh voice in my head, always belittling me, always scorning me, and wrecking any chance I might have had of feeling confident and good about myself. I always felt other women were so much cleverer, prettier, more talented, and so much nicer than me. Looking back I realise that I’ve always sought approval from people. As a result I’ve always attracted ‘friends’ who’ve treated me more like a slave than a friend, you know - all take no give.
The belief that ‘I’m not good enough’ has been like a dark cloud hanging over me for my whole life but I’ve decided it’s got to stop now; I want to be free of it. They say you’re never too old change, don’t they?”
Edna went on to prove that we are, in fact, never too old to change. At the conclusion of her coaching sessions Edna had come to understand so much more about who she really was and what genuine strengths and gifts she had. She knew how to value, nurture and encourage herself and get her emotional needs met. As a result she was looking forward to building genuine trusting friendships and spending the rest of her life focusing on meeting her own needs rather than trying to please others and seek their approval.
Some key signs that you may be experiencing low self-esteem
- feeling less attractive than others find you
- 'all or nothing' thinking indicated by sweeping extreme statements
- automatically imagining others judge you negatively - misuse of the imagination is a key aspect of low self esteem
- reluctance to spend money or time on yourself
- difficulty feeling like an equal in relationships
- tendency to be more attracted to people who treat you badly than
to people who treat you well - not feeling 'good enough' to pursue genuine opportunities
- distrusting all compliments while accepting all criticism, however exaggerated
- feeling low in mood a lot of the time
Other common symptoms of low self-esteem include eating disorders and other forms of self-harm.
Are you ready to do something about your low self-esteem?
If you are suffering with low self-esteem then I want you to understand that you are wrong about yourself, at least to a much greater degree than you might currently realize! Low self esteem is always a misperception.
I also want you to realise that you can break out of your low self-esteem ‘prison’ and build healthy self-esteem. And once you have built a healthy level of self-esteem, life can really start to feel more meaningful and satisfying and you can feel happier.
What Next?
Helping people to change for the better, is my passion. If you'd like to explore how I can help you build healthy self-esteem contact me on 021 056 8389 or email me at tony@tycoaching.nz or use the Book Now button.
Go well
Tony
REMEMBER - "When you change your mind you change your life."
Tony helps individuals to harness the power of their mind to achieve success and well-being in life, work and business. Tony's particular area of expertise lies in helping people to 'change their minds' so they gain freedom from worry, anxiety and stress, overcome limiting beliefs and unhelpful habits. Tony’s solution focused approach to coaching uses a range of techniques drawn from the fields of solution focused coaching, neuroscience, positive psychology and clinical hypnosis.
