The word ‘esteem’ comes from a Latin word which means ‘to estimate’. Esteem is the worth and value that we apply to people, places, and situations. So, for example, we have esteem for:
- family and friends
- an exemplary performance whether it is in sports, acting, or simply doing the right thing; and
- ourselves – ‘self-esteem’
Self-Esteem
Of the above, self-esteem is by far the most important because how we perceive, value, and feel about ourselves influences our behaviours, and how we live our lives and the results we are getting.
If you like yourself, believe in yourself and can accept your imperfections, then you have healthy self-esteem. If you don’t then you are said to have low self-esteem.
Low Self-Esteem
People with low self-esteem don’t perceive themselves clearly. They see themselves as if reflected in a warped fun house mirror. This distorted image magnifies their weaknesses and minimizes their assets.
The usual result of seeing such a distorted reflection is a strong feeling of inadequacy, since you seem to compare so poorly with those around you. You see other people far more accurately than you see yourself, because you are aware of their balance of strengths and weaknesses. Compared to all these “normal” people, your distorted fun house image of yourself seems terribly flawed.
Characteristics of someone experiencing low self-esteem
Here are some of the characteristics of someone experiencing low self-esteem:
- An inability to see yourself ‘squarely’ – to be fair to yourself
- Accentuating the negative
- Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think of you
- Feeling you are much uglier and stupider than objective observers view you
- An inability to accept compliments
- Expecting little out of life for yourself
- Anxiety and emotional turmoil
Self-Esteem isn’t just about how we think about ourselves it’s about how we feel too
These characteristics suggest that self-esteem is influenced only by how we think about ourselves but, the reality is low self-esteem isn’t just a way of thinking; it’s a way of feeling – an intense and horrible feeling or set of feelings. And because of the intense negative emotionality, depression and bouts of sadness are common features of low self-esteem.
These negative feelings can cause someone experiencing low self-esteem to behave in particular ways, often engaging in unhelpful behaviours such as:
- Withdrawing or isolating yourself from family or friends,
- Trying to overcompensate for things,
- Neglecting things (opportunities, responsibilities, self-care)
- Reluctance to take on challenges
- Being passive rather than assertive with others.
The reality is that low self-esteem can affect every single part of your life. It can make your life dull and grey. Elevating your self-esteem could very well be the key to happiness in and success in your life.
Healthy Self-Esteem
Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately (know ourselves) and still be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally. This means being able to realistically acknowledge our strengths and limitations (which is part of being human) and at the same time accepting ourselves as worthy and worthwhile without conditions or reservations.
Two important questions
So based on what you’ve read so far, ask yourself this question: “Do I have Low Self-Esteem?”
If you answered ‘Yes,’ just pause for a moment and then consider this next question:
“Why do I continue to suffer with low self-esteem when I can develop a healthy self-esteem?”
What’s your answer?
Perhaps thinking about these two questions is the cataylst you need to begin to take action towards developing a healthy self-esteem?
Still undecided about taking action to raise your self-esteem?
If you’re still undecided about taken action to raise your self-esteem, here are some of the benefits that people experiencing healthy self-esteem enjoy. They:
- feel that they are likable and lovable and find it easier to make friends
- have better relationships.
- are more likely to ask for help and support from friends and family when they need it.
- more likely to believe they can accomplish goals and solve problems.
- do better in school/college.
- find it easier to deal with mistakes, disappointments, and failures, and are more likely to stick with something until they succeed.
- live life to the fullest.
Developing healthy self-esteem
As noted above, our level of our self-esteem is affected by what we think, feel and do. So once we change the way we think, feel and behave we can experience healthy self-esteem. This is not as difficult as you might think, once you know how to do it and you have someone to guide and support you along the way.
That’s why I developed my Lift Self Esteem Fast coaching programme, to provide the understanding, support and coaching that will help you raise your self-esteem. The programme is tailored to you and your specific needs.
You want to raise your self-esteem? I can help…..
If you are suffering with low self-esteem and want to enjoy the benefits of healthy self-esteem, call me today on 021 056 8389 or email tony@tycoaching.nz with your name & number, or use the Book Now button below. Let’s explore how my Lift Self Esteem Fast coaching programme can help you.
Go well
Tony
REMEMBER – “When you change your mind you change your life.”
Tony helps people of all ages live their lives free of unnecessary stress, anxiety and depression, and be happier, healthier and more fulfilled.
